Darwin awards
(and near misses)

For those not familiar with the Darwin Award:  Darwin Awards are (by definition) granted posthumously.  This citation is bestowed upon (the remains of) that individual, who through single-minded self-sacrifice, has done the most to remove undesirable elements from the human gene pool by getting them selves killed in the stupidest fashion imaginable.

 

Apparently, in Brazil, 3 people were flying in a plane at low altitude, when another plane approached. For a lark, they
decided to "moon" the  other plane. Somehow, in the execution of this maneuver, they lost control of  the plane and crashed. They were all found dead with their pants around their ankles.

 In an Inuit village, a young man was searching for a way of getting drunk for free because he had no money to buy alcohol. So he mixed gasoline with milk to get his buzz. After he drank it he became ill and vomited on the
 fireplace in his house which in turn ignited his vomit and burned his  house down killing him and his sister.
 

In September in Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.

In October, a 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally zoned  when he ran," according to his wife, accidentally jogged off a 200-foot  high cliff on his daily run.

Buxton, NC: A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole he had dug into the sand caved in as he sat inside it.
Beachgoers said Daniel Jones,  21, dug the hole for fun, or protection from the wind, and had been  sitting in a beach chair at the bottom Thursday afternoon when it collapsed,  burying him beneath 5 feet of sand.People on the beach, on the outer banks,  used their hands and shovels, trying to claw their way to Jones, a resident of Woodbridge, VA, but could not reach him.  It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him while about 200 people looked on.  Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.

In February, Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc, CA, as he fell face-first through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing.   Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth (to keep his hands free) rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.

According to police in Dahlonega, GA, ROTC cadet Nick Berrena, 20, was  stabbed to death in January by fellow cadet Jeffrey Hoffman, 23 who was  trying to prove that a knife could not penetrate the flak vest Berrena was wearing.

Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in February in Selbyville,  Del., as he won a bet with friends who said he would not
put a revolver loaded  with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.

In February, according to police in Windsor, Ont., Daniel Kolta, 27, and  Randy Taylor, 33, died in a head-on collision, thus earning a tie in the game of chicken they were playing with their snowmobiles.

In September, a 7-year-old boy fell off a 100-foot-high bluff near Ozark, Ark., after he lost his grip swinging on a
cross that marked the  spot where another person had fallen to his deathin 1990.

TACOMA, WA - Kerry Bingham, had been drinking with several friends when one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from the Tacoma Narrows Bridge in the middle of traffic.  The conversation grew more heated
 and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 a.m. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they
discovered that no onehad brought bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued, drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of cable had been left near the railing.   Bingham's leg and the other end was tied to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle.  He miraculously survived his fall into the icy river
water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen.  "All I can say,"said Bingham, "is that God was watching out for me on that night.  There's just no other explanation for it."  Bingham's foot was never located.

On February 3, 1990, a Renton, Washington man tried to commit a robbery. This was probably his first attempt, as
suggested by the fact that he had no previous record of violent crime, and by his terminally stupid choices as listed below:
 1.The target was H&J Leather & Firearms, a gun shop;

 2.The shop was full of customers, in a state where a substantial portion of the adult population is licensed to carry
    concealed handguns in public places;

 3.To enter the shop, he had to step around a marked Police patrol car parked at the front door;

 4. An officer in uniform was standing next to the counter, having coffee before reporting to duty.  Upon seeing the
     officer, the would-be robber announced a holdup and fired a few wild shots. The officer and a clerk  promptly
     returned fire, removing him from the gene pool. Several other customers also drew their guns, but didn't fire.
     No one else was hurt.
 

In France, Jacques LeFevrier left nothing to chance when he decided to commit suicide.  He stood at the top of a tall cliff and tied a noose around his neck.  He tied the other end of the rope to a large rock. He drank some poison and set fire to his clothes.  He even tried to shoot himself at the last moment.  He jumped and fired the pistol. The bullet missed him completely and cut through the rope above him.  Free of the threat of hanging, he plunged into the sea. The sudden dunking extinguished the flames and made him vomit the poison.  He was dragged out of the water by a kind fisherman, and was taken to hospital, where he died of hypothermia.

 DARWIN AWARD HONORABLE MENTIONS

1.  In Guthrie, Okla., in October, Jason Heck tried to kill a millipede  with a shot from his .22-caliber rifle, but the bullet ricocheted off a rock near the hole and hit pal Antonio Martinez in the head, fracturing  his skull.

2.  In Elyria, Ohio, in October, Martyn Eskins, attempting to clean out cobwebs in his basement, declined to use a broom in favor of a propane torch and caused a fire that burned the first and second floors of his  house.

3.  Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover Township, NJ, in September, and his wife Bonnie was also injured, by a quarter-stick of dynamite that blew up in their car. While driving around at 2 AM, the bored couple lit the dynamite and tried to toss it out the window to see what would happen, but they apparently failed to notice that the window  was  closed.

4.  Taking "Amateur Night" Too Far: In Betulia, Colombia, an annual festival in November includes five days of amateur bullfighting. This year, no bull was killed, but dozens of matadors were injured, including one gored in the head and one Bobbittized.  Said one participant, "It's just one bull against [a  town of] a thousand Morons."

 AND THE WINNER IS....

      Japan Times-April 16, 1997 "The government must crack down on this disgusting craze of 'Pumping'", a spokesman for the Nakhon Ratchasima hospital told reporters.  "If this perversion catches on, it will destroy the cream of Thailand's manhood."  He was speaking after the remains of 13 year-old Charnchai Puanmuangpak had been rushed into the hospital's emergency room.   "Most 'Pumpers' use a standard bicycle pump," he explained, "inserting the nozzle far up their rectum, giving themselves a rush of air, creating a momentary high.  This act is a sin against God." It appears that the young Charnchai took it further still.  He started using a two-cylinder foot pump, but even that wasn't exciting enough for him, so he boasted to friends that he was going to try the compressed air hose at a nearby gasoline station. They dared  him to do it, so, under cover of darkness, he snuck in.   Not realizing how powerful the machine was, he inserted the tube deep into his rectum, and  placed a coin in the slot.  As a result, he died virtually instantly, leaving passers-by still in shock. One woman thought she was watching a twilight fireworks display, and started clapping.   "We still haven't located all of him", say the police authorities.  "When that quantity of air interacted with the gas in his system, he nearly  exploded.  It was like an atom bomb went off or something." "Pumping is  the devil's pastime, and we must all say no to Satan," Ratchasima concluded.    "Inflate your tires by all means, but then hide your bicycle pump where it cannot tempt you." Let's hear it for Charnchai Puanmuangpak, the NEW 1998 undisputed Darwin Award recipient!

 

More Darwin Awards

This year the winner was one of the few Darwin Award nominees to survive his award-winning accomplishment.

In rural Carbon County, PA, a group of men were drinking beer and discharging firearms from the rear deck of a home owned by Irving Michaels, age 27. The men were firing at a raccoon that was wandering by, but the beer apparently impaired their aim and, despite of the estimated 35 shots the group fired, the animal escaped into a 3 foot diameter drainage pipe some 100 feet away from Mr. Michaels' deck. Determined to terminate the animal, Mr. Michaels retrieved a can of gasoline and poured some down the pipe, intending to smoke the animal out. After several unsuccessful attempts to ignite the fuel, Michaels emptied the entire 5 gallon fuel can down the pipe and tried to ignite it again, to no avail. Not one to admit defeat by wildlife, the determined Mr. Michaels proceeded to slide feet-first approximately 15 feet down the sloping pipe to toss the match. The subsequent rapidly expanding fireball propelled Mr. Michaels back the way he had come, though at a much higher rate of speed. He exited the angled pipe "like a Polaris missile leaves a submarine," according to witness Joseph McFadden, 31. Mr. Michaels was launched directly over his own home, right over the heads of his astonished friends, onto his front lawn. In all, he traveled over 200 feet through the air. "There was a Doppler Effect to his scream as he flew over us," McFadden reported, "Followed by a loud thud."Amazingly, he suffered only minor injuries. "It was actually pretty cool," Michaels said, "Like when they shoot someone out of a cannon at the circus. I'd do it again if I was sure I wouldn't get hurt."    There still is no word about the raccoon.
 
 

The Darwin Awards 1996

You may recall last year's Darwin Award winner: The man who found out moments before making a 300 MPH dent in an Arizona cliff that the JATO (jet assist take off) unit he'd strapped to his car could not be turned off once it was turned on.

The 1996 nominees are:
[San Jose Mercury News] An unidentified man, using a shotgun like a club to break a former girlfriend's windshield, accidentally shot himself to death when the gun discharged, blowing a hole in his gut. [Hickory Daily Record 12/21/92]  Ken Charles Barger, 47, accidentally shot himself to death in December in Newton, N.C., when, awakening to the sound
of a ringing telephone beside his bed, he reached for the phone but grabbed instead a Smith & Wesson .38 Special, which discharged when he drew it to his ear.

[Unknown, 25 March] A terrible diet and room with no ventilation are being blamed for the death of a man who was killed by his own gas.  There was no mark on his body but autopsy showed large amounts of methane gas in his system.  His diet had consisted primarily of beans and cabbage (and a couple of other things).  It was just the right combination of foods. It appears that the man died in his sleep from breathing from the poisonous cloud that was hanging over his bed.  Had he been outside or had his windows been opened, it wouldn't have been fatal.  But the man was shut up in his near airtight bedroom. He was ". . .  a big man with a huge capacity for creating [this deadly gas]."  Three of the rescuers got sick and one was hospitalized.

[Reuters, Mississauga, Ontario]  Man slips, falls 23 stories to his death.   A man cleaning a bird feeder on his balcony of his condominium apartment in this Toronto suburb slipped and fell 23 stories to his death, police said Monday.  Stefan Macko, 55, was standing on a wheeled chair Sunday when the accident occurred, said Inspector D'Arcy Honer of the Peel regional police."  It appears the chair moved and he went over the balcony," Honer said.  "It's one of those freak accidents.  No foul play is suspected."

[UPI, Toronto] Police said a lawyer demonstrating the safety of windows in a downtown Toronto skyscraper crashed through a pane with his shoulder and plunged 24 floors to his death.  A police spokesman said Garry Hoy, 39, fell into the courtyard of the Toronto Dominion Bank Tower early Friday evening as he was explaining the strength of the building's windows to visiting law students.  Hoy previously had conducted demonstrations of window strength according to police reports.  Peter Lauwers, managing partner of the firm Holden Day Wilson, told the Toronto Sun newspaper that Hoy was "one of the best and brightest" members of the 200-man association.

[AP, Cairo, Egypt, 31 Aug 1995 CAIRO, Egypt (AP)] Six people drowned Monday while trying to rescue a chicken that had fallen into a well in southern Egypt.  An 18-year-old farmer was the first to descend into the 60-foot well.  He drowned, apparently after an undercurrent in the water pulled him down, police said.  His sister and two brothers, none of whom could swim well, went in one by one to help him, but also drowned.  Two elderly farmers then came to help, but they apparently were pulled by the same undercurrent.  The bodies of the six were later pulled out of the well in
the village of Nazlat Imara, 240 miles south of Cairo.  The chicken was also pulled out. It survived.

[Times of London] A thief who sneaked into a hospital was scarred for life when he tried to get a suntan.  After evading security staff at Odstock Hospital in Salisbury, Wiltshire, and helping himself to doctor's paging devices, the thief spotted a vertical sunbed.  He walked into the unit and removed his clothes for a 45-minute tan.  However, the high-voltage UV
machine at the hospital, which is renowned for its treatment of burns victims, has a maximum dosage of 10 seconds.  After lying on the bed for almost 300 times the recommended maximum time, the man was covered in blisters. Hours later, when the pain of the burns became unbearable, he went to Southampton General Hospital, 20 miles away, in Hampshire. Staff became suspicious because he was wearing a doctor's coat.  After tending his wounds they called the police. Southampton police said: "This man broke into Odstock and decided he fancied a quick suntan.  Doctors say he is
going to be scarred for life.

More "intelligence-challenged" people 45 year-old Amy Brasher was arrested in San Antonio, Texas, after a mechanic reported to police that 18 packages of marijuana were packed in the engine compartment of the car which she had brought to the mechanic for an oil change.  According to police, Brasher later said that she didn't realize that the mechanic would have to raise the hood to change the oil.

Portsmouth, R.I. Police charged Gregory Rosa, 25, with a string of vending machine robberies in January when he: 1.  fled from police inexplicably when they spotted him loitering around a vending machine and 2.  later tried to post his $400 bail in coins. Karen Lee Joachimi, 20, was arrested in Lake City, Florida, for robbery of a Howard Johnson's motel.  She was armed with only an electric chainsaw, which was not plugged in.

The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 7:50 am, flashed a gun and demanded cash.  The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order.  When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.

Police in Wichita, Kansas, arrested a 22-year-old man at an airport hotel after he tried to pass two (counterfeit) $16 bills.

A man in Johannesberg, South Africa, shot his 49-year-old friend in the face, seriously wounding him, while the two practiced shooting beer cans off each other's head.

A company trying to continue its five-year perfect safety record showed its workers a film aimed at encouraging the use of safety goggles on the job.  According to Industrial Machinery News, the film's depiction of gory industrial accidents was so graphic that twenty-five workers suffered minor  injuries in their rush to leave the screening room. Thirteen others fainted,  and one man required seven stitches after he cut his head falling off a chair while watching the film.

The Chico, California, City Council enacted a ban on nuclear weapons, setting a $500 fine for anyone detonating one within city limits.

A bus carrying five passengers was hit by a car in St. Louis, but by the time  police arrived on the scene, fourteen pedestrians had boarded the bus and had begun to complain of whiplash injuries and back pain.

Swedish business consultant Ulf af Trolle labored 13 years on a book about Swedish economic solutions. He took the 250-page manuscript to be copied, only to have it reduced to 50,000 strips of paper in seconds when a worker confused the copier with the shredder.

A convict broke out of jail in Washington D.C., then a few days later accompanied his girlfriend to her trialfor robbery. At lunch, he went out for a sandwich. She needed to see him, and thus had him paged. Police officers  recognized his name and arrested him as he returned to the courthouse in a car the had stolen over the lunch hour.

Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed the
copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth. Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed.

When two service station attendants in Ionia, Michigan, refused to hand over the cash to an intoxicated robber, the man threatened to call the police.  They still refused, so the robber called the police and was arrested.

A Los Angeles man who later said he was "tired of walking," stole a steamroller and led police on a 5 mph chase until an officer stepped aboard and brought the vehicle to a stop.

My family and I went to Mesa Verde last summer. After setting up camp we drove up to the main ruins to take the tour. The park ranger explained who the "Anasazi" were and why they had settled on the mesa. Finishing his speel, the ranger asked if there were any questions about the cliff dwellings. A man asked, "Why did they build them so far from the road?"
 
 

 In case you've forgotten about the 1995 awardees, some of them are listed below:

James Burns, 34, of Alamo, Mich., was killed in March as he was trying to repair what police described as a "farm-type truck."  Burns got a friend to drive the truck on a highway while Burns hung underneath so that he could ascertain the source of a troubling noise.  Burns' clothes caught on something, however, and the other man found Burns "wrapped in the drive shaft."

[Kalamazoo Gazette, 4-1-95]
Same thing up here in MI.  Seems some poor fella thought it would be a good idea to "move" a downed wire from his car.  Newspaper reports it took a FULL MINUTE of neighbors whacking away at him with a 2x4 to free their freshly fried former friend from the fatal flashing.

Bowling Green, Ohio, student Robert Ricketts, 19, had his head bloodied when he was struck by a Conrail train. He told police he was trying to see how close to the moving train he could place his head without getting hit.

In Wesley Chapel, Florida, Joseph Aaron, 20, was hit in the leg with pieces of the bullet he fired at the exhaust pipe of his car.  When repairing the car, he needed to bore a hole in the pipe.  When he couldn't find a drill, he tried to shoot a hole in it.

Not Darwin material  but just as stupid

According to Gene Dumont, a wildlife biologist with the Maine Department of Inland Fisheries and Wildlife, a man once called to request that the deer-crossing signs on a road near his home be removed because a number of deer had been hit there.  "He wanted the deer-crossing signs taken down,"  Dumont explained, "because he didn't want the deer to cross there anymore."

In a letter to the editor of a South Carolina newspaper, a reader wrote: "I am in favor of daylight saving time. I have planted a vegetable garden for many years and find it does much better with that extra hour of sunlightevery day!"

At a pharmacy, a woman asked to use the infant scale to weigh the baby she held in her arms.  The clerk explained that the device was out for repairs, but said she would figure the infant's weight by weighing the woman and baby together on the adult scale, then weighing the mother alone and subtracting the second amount from the first. "It won't work," countered the woman.  "I'm not the mother, I'm the grandmother."

DARWIN AWARD WINNER FOR 1997 ANNOUNCED

The 1995 winner was the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine which toppled over on top of him as he was attempting to tip a free soda out of it.

In 1996 the winner was an air force sergeant who attached a JATO unit to his car and crashed into a cliff several hundred feet above the road bed.

And now, the 1997 winner:

Larry Waters of Los Angeles -- one of the few Darwin winners to survive his award-winning accomplishment.  Larry's
boyhood dream was to fly.  When he graduated from high school, he joined the Air Force in hopes of becoming a pilot. Unfortunately, poor eyesight disqualified him.  When he was finally discharged, he had to satisfy himself with watching jets fly over his backyard.   One day, Larry, had a bright idea. He decided to fly.  He went to the local Army-Navy surplus store and purchased 45 weather balloons and several tanks of helium.  The weather balloons, when fully inflated, would measure more than four feet across.   Back home, Larry securely strapped the balloons to his sturdy lawn chair.   He anchored the chair to the bumper of his jeep and inflated the balloons  with the helium.  He climbed on for a test while it was still only a few feet above the ground.   Satisfied it would work, Larry packed several sandwiches and a six-pack of
Miller Lite, loaded his pellet gun-- figuring he could pop a few balloons when it was time to descend-- and went back to the floating lawn chair.
He tied himself in along with his pellet gun and provisions. Larry's plan was to lazily float up to a height of about 30 feet above his back yard after severing the anchor and in a few hours come back down.   Things didn't quite work out that way.   When he cut the cord anchoring the lawn chair to his jeep, he didn't float lazily up to 30 or so feet. Instead he streaked into the LA sky as if shot from a cannon.  He didn't level of at 30 feet, nor did he level off at 100 feet.  After climbing and climbing, he leveled off at 11,000 feet. At that height he couldn't risk shooting any of the balloons, lest he unbalance the load and really find himself in trouble.  So he stayed there, drifting, cold and frightened, for more than 14 hours.   Then he really got in trouble. He found himself drifting into the the primary approach corridor of Los Angeles International Airport. A United pilot first spotted Larry.  He radioed the tower and described passing a guy in a lawn chair with a gun. Radar confirmed the existence of an object floating 11,000 feet above the airport. LAX emergency procedures swung into full alert and a helicopter was dispatched to investigate. LAX is right on the ocean.  Night was falling and the offshore breeze began to flow.  It carried Larry out to sea with the helicopter in hot pursuit. Several miles
out, the helicopter caught up with Larry.  Once the crew determined that Larry was not dangerous, they attempted to close in for a rescue but the draft from the blades would push Larry away whenever they neared.  Finally, the helicopter ascended to a position several hundred feet above  Larry and lowered a rescue line. Larry snagged the line and was hauled back to shore.  The difficult maneuver was flawlessly executed by the helicopter crew.  As soon as Larry was hauled to earth, he was arrested by waiting members of the LAPD for violating LAX airspace.  As he was led away in
handcuffs, a reporter dispatched to cover the daring rescue asked why he had done it. Larry stopped,turned and replied nonchalantly, "A man can't just sit around."  Let's hear it for Larry Waters, the 1997 Darwin Award Winner.

More "intelligence-challenged" people

45 year-old Amy Brasher was arrested in San Antonio, Texas, after a mechanic reported to police that 18 packages of marijuana were packed in the engine compartment of the car which she had brought to the mechanic for an oil change.  According to police, Brasher later said that she didn't realize that the mechanic would have to raise the hood to change
the oil.

Portsmouth, R.I. Police charged Gregory Rosa, 25, with a string of vending machine robberies in January
when he: 1.  fled from police inexplicably when they spotted him loitering around a vending machine and
2.  later tried to post his $400 bail in coins.

Karen Lee Joachimi, 20, was arrested in Lake City, Florida, for robbery of a Howard Johnson's motel.  She
was armed with only an electric chainsaw, which was not plugged in.

Michael Anderson Godwin made News of the Weird posthumously.  He had spent several years awaiting South Carolina's electric chair on a murder conviction before having his sentence reduced to life in prison. Whilst sitting on a metal toilet in his cell and attempting to fix his small TV set, he bit into a wire and was electrocuted.
 
A cigarette lighter may have triggered fatal explosion - Dunkirk, Indiana. A Jay County man using a cigarette lighter to check the barrel of a muzzle loader was killed Monday night when the weapon discharged in his face, sheriff's investigators said.  Gregory David Pryor, 19, died in his parents' rural Dunkirk home about 11:30 p.m.  Investigators said Pryor was cleaning a .54-caliber muzzleloader that had not been firing properly. He was using the lighter to look into
the barrel when the gunpowder ignited.
 
Robert Puelo, 32, was apparently being disorderly in a St. Louis market. When the clerk threatened to call police, Puelo grabbed a hot dog, shoved it in his mouth, and walked out without paying for it.   Police found him unconscious in front of the store; paramedics removed the six-inch wiener from his throat, where it had choked him to death.
 
A poacher, Marino Malerba, who shot a stag standing above him on an overhanging rock-and was killed instantly when it fell on him.
 
Blasting Cap Explodes in Man's Mouth at Party.  A man at a party popped a blasting cap into his mouth and bit down, triggering an explosion that blew off his lips, teeth and tongue, state police said Wednesday. Jerry Stromyer, 24, of Kincaid, bit the blasting cap as a prank during a party late Tuesday night, said Cpl. M.D.Payne.   'Another man had it in an aquarium,hooked to a battery, and was trying to explode it," Payne said.  "It wouldn't go off and this guy said,
'I'll show you how to set it off."
 
Two local men were seriously injured when their pick-up truck left the  road and struck a tree near Cotton Patch on State  Highway 38 early Monday morning.Woodruff County deputy Dovey Snyder reported the accident shortly after midnight Monday. Thurston Poole, 33, of Des Arc and Billy Ray Wallis, 38, of Little Rock are listed in serious condition at Baptist Medical Center. The accident occurred as the two  men were returning to Des Arc after a frog gigging trip. On an
overcast Sunday night, Poole's pick-up truck headlights malfunctioned.      The two men concluded that the headlight fuse on the older model truck had burned out. As a replacement fuse was not available, Wallis noticed that the .22 caliber  bullet from his pistol fit perfectly into the fuse box next to the steering wheel column. Upon inserting the bullet, the headlights again began to operate properly and the two men proceeded on east-bound toward the White River bridge.   After traveling approximately twenty miles and just before crossing the river, the bullet apparently overheated, discharged and struck Poole in the right testicle. The vehicle swerved sharply to the right exiting the pavement and striking a tree. Poole suffered only minor cuts and abrasions from the accident, but will require surgery to repair the other wound. Wallis sustained a broken clavicle and was treated and released. "Thank God we weren't on that bridge when Thurston shot his _____ off or we might both be dead" stated Wallis. "I've been a trooper for ten years in this part of the world, but this is a first for me. I can't believe that those two would admit how this accident happened", said
Snyder.   Upon being notified of the wreck, Lavinia, Poole's wife asked how many frogs the boys had caught and did anyone get them from the truck.
 

     And the winner is...

John Pernicky and friend Sal Hawkins, of Washington, decided to attend a local Metallica concert at the Amphitheater at Gorge, Washington.     Having no tickets, but 18 beers among them they sat in the parking lot and after finishing the beer, decided that it would be easy enough to hop over the nine foot high fence and sneak into the show.  The two    friends pulled their pickup truck over to the fence and the plan was for John, 100 pounds heavier than Sal, to hop over, and then assist his friend over the fence. Unfortunately for John, the Fence was a 30 foot drop on the other side. Having heaved himself over he found himself crashing through a tree, falling to the ground. His fall was abruptly stopped by a large branch which had been snagged by his  shorts. Dangling from the tree, with one arm broken, John looked down
and saw a group of bushes below him. Figuring the bushes would break his fall, John removed his pocket knife and proceed to cut away his shorts to free himself from the tree. When finally free, John crashed below into, Holly Bushes, The sharp leaves scratched his whole body,  and now being without his shorts he was the unwilling victim of a holly branch penetrating his rectal cavity. To make matters worse, his  pocket knife proceeded to fall with him and landed three inches into his left thigh. Seeing his friend in considerable pain and agony, Sal decided to throw him a rope and pull him to safety.  However, weighing  about 100 pounds less, he decided the best course of action would be to tie the rope to the pickup truck.
     This is when things went bad. Sal in his drunken state, put the truck into the wrong gear, and proceeded to press on the gas and crash through the fence, landing on and killing his friend. Sal was thrown from the truck, suffered massive internal injuries and died at the scene. Police arrived to find, a pickup truck with its driver thrown 100 feet from the vehicle and, upon moving the truck, a half naked man with numerous scratches, a holly stick up his butt, a knife in his
thigh and a pair of shorts dangling from the trees 25 feet in the air.
 
 

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