My Spiritual Awakening
( Passion follows the phantom death process)

(click here to listen rather than read)

     I guess my story begins when my life fell apart.  I was scheduled to go home in the early to mid 90's but as a result of a string of synchronicities i was led to the place in which i am today, the happiest and most consistently so person that i have ever known.   Looking back on my former life is like reading a book about a stranger with a lot to learn about life.
     It all starts off when a lot of seemingly "bad" things started to happen to me. I did not know it but i was approaching the time of my demise.  I had originally contracted to depart in the early 90's but as things happily turned out, i was shown an alternative path.   Around the late 80's my health started to go and i developed cancer. As the late 80's progressed, my lot became more meager every week that passed. I was caught in a downsizing of the company that was completely opposite from the company policy of 30 years and instead of experience, ability, and seniority, the lay-off progressed completely on " get rid of who ever made the most money" basis. They chopped at the top of the ladder instead of laying off personnel starting on the bottom. A smart move for the company's axe man who hired in at a half a mil per year and in two years boosted his pay to 5 or 6 million per year by getting rid of the high end of the paid employees. (a bit of residual 3-D resentment still hanging to my garments there, hee hee)   As a result my job of 28½ years, was forfeit to one of my students with 5 years in the company, but who was willing to work for $15 less than i was making.   I became depressed and developed cancer. I also developed diverticulitis and as a result lost almost a foot of large intestine. I lost a few body parts if you include the surgery to remove the cancer, which by the way didn't work.   I still have it to this day.   In addition to losing my health and my job, i was diagnosed with severe clinical depression. Our bills piled up each month even though i had no income and spent most of the time in and out of the hospital.   Our car was repossessed, our home was in foreclosure, my dog even got run over and killed, and my life was tumbling down around my shoulders.  Our youngest daughter of whom we were so proud for making good money setting up and running fashion shows was found out to be in reality prostituting in Reno all the time.  I found out on HBO, Prime Time Television when i saw a special about a Brothel outside of Reno and my daughter was right there on the screen, doing the hooker thing. What a revelation that was, i can tell you.   Keep in mind that i was quite 3 dimensional at that time and very much into polarity.   My life was filled with stress and fear and i was sinking fast. I even had a near death experience due to taking a medication that put me in to full anaphylactic shock and nearly killed me.   Had my dear wife, Sonja, not been a registered nurse, i would be dead right now.   She knew what to do until the fire dept. and the paramedics arrived to take over.
    All of the pieces were in place for my departure from this plane.  Most of my karmic chores had been accomplished and i was ready for my reward, i was ready to chuck it all and go home at last,  albeit on a sour note.   I had cancer, i was depressed and at the bottom of my will for life, i had lost everything that i had worked for all of my life and now approaching 60 years old i was left with out even a means of making a living as nobody wanted to hire a cancer ridden sexagenarian with clinical depression.

     It was at this time that my mother-in-law gave me Lee Carroll's book, "The End Times".   She is a psychic, and a retired minister in the First Spiritualist Church of San Diego.   She gave me the book and told me that she would like my opinion of the concepts and documentary.   This was the first act in the chain of events that caused me to be here now and telling of the events that led to this most Happy place and time that i have created for myself here on earth.    Years earlier my mother-in-law had given me Jane Roberts book, "The Seth Material ", asking me then to see if i could make sense from it.   I know now that she only approached me that way so i would be prompted to really read the book, thinking she was waiting for an answer.   In reality i had to read this book for my introduction to spiritualism and the reality the spiritual beings are here all around us, trying as hard as they can to influence our lives and enhance them.
      I love my mother-in-law and as a matter of fact the friends here in california that i spend the most time with turned out to be my in laws, all of them not just the mother and father in-law.   I was led to this special family so that i could grow spiritually from the strict dogma oriented Catholic beginnings to the more liberal Lutheran philosophy and finally on to my own personal connection with God and the Universe.   It is all with in me, and all part of me and today i can see the unity in all things and honor that.

     Once i read the Kryon book, i was blown away.   I discovered that life as i knew it was only an illusion and that i was in control of it all, as far as my own reality went.   I was master of my fate and i was the author of my life.   The Neutral implant was the key to my re scripting my life's contract.   Once i accepted that, my fears dissolved and all of the baggage i had accumulated over the past had been lifted from my obligations and i was free to script a new contract that led me to this most precious and loving point in my life.    So i gave intent for the Neutral implant and received it.   I was free of the bonds that restricted me earlier and i could respond to the universe any way i chose to do.   I was filled with love and so i expressed a desire to re script and make a new contract.   I wanted to keep it simple so that i would not put too many conditions on spirit to fulfill my co-creation.   My intent for my new script was quite simple, "Lead me to the place where i can do the most good for the most people."   I surrendered myself to the Universe and put myself in a position to become an energy force that could make a difference to somebody.   I had no idea what lie ahead nor where this intent would lead me, but i was willing and eager to give it a try with all my heart.   

     As my dear friend (and then, complete stranger) Steve Rother, is often quoted to say, "Watch where you point that thing."   Meaning of course, your intent and your co-creations.   It was not very long after that when i received an interesting E-mail from a little British lady who went by the name of, Sandra Sedgbeer.   She was the catalyst for my hooking up with my passion.   Today, i call Sandie, our cosmic switch-board operator.  She has a talent for hooking up needs with solutions but with people, not objects.   If somebody needs something, and somebody else has an abundance of that commodity, then Sandie hooks them up and everybody is happy.  But i am getting a bit ahead of my story.

 Being completely enthralled with the Kryon message i was disappointed to see that it was only published once a quarter or so.   I had to wait for three months to read new information from Kryon.   However i did notice that there was a link on the Kryon site to some guy called Steve Rother and his site that was called   At first i was a bit skeptical, but when i found that Steve's messages which were published monthly, rather than quarterly, were very resonant with what i got from Kryon then i started to read his stuff too.   I soon found that all of my doubts about Steve Rother disappeared and i was enjoying his messages for almost a year before i was contacted by Sandie Sedgbeer.   It was through Steve's site and his profile list that Sandie found me and requested that i join her and some friends in a sort of a social/spiritual setting and share our new age experiences, or what ever.   It sounded a bit "cultish" to me and i agreed, with reserve, only to find out that this was the path to my passion.

The relationship between my wife and i was growing more distant as i was being led to a more spiritual path and she had no urge to move any where.  Most of the social functions put on by our friends i attended alone and without my wife.   Every time i would go some place i would ask her if she wanted to go but she never said, yes.   I, true to myself, never gave up asking.   And one day when Sandie invited me to meet her in person at Lestat's Coffee House in Kensington borough of San Diego, i, out of routine asked Sonja if she wanted to attend.   I had even previously written to Sandie telling her that there was no way i would be coming with my wife because she never went anywhere.  To my amazement, Sonja did not hesitate for a second but said, "Sure, I'll come with you.".   As it turned out that evening, Sonja met Serena, who later turned out to be her Reiki Master and teacher.   Sonja is now a third level Reiki Master her self and has caught up with me on the spiritual path that we both tread these days.   For a while we were out-distancing ourselves, but now we are back in resonance.   Well, from that time on, Sandie and i had a nice communication via personal visits and email.   What i did not know what that She was contacting Steve Rother and had wangled a place in his heart.   She became a part of the executive board for and when Steve decided that he needed more help to run the site and take care of things such as reaching people who did not speak english, etc... and our dear little "cosmic switch board operator", (aka snitch) suggested that Steve get in touch with this retired Computer Graphics Engineer who was doing nothing but getting drunk at the Bay while walking his dogs for excitement.  She turned my name in to Steve and he contacted me to see if i would like to join his cause and give him a hand spreading the light to the folks who can't read english.    I almost laughed because for the previous two years i had been trying to make myself a web site and failed every time i tried.  I had one but all that showed up when i accessed it from my browser was a message telling me that the owner had not yet moved in.   Now this Rother guy was asking me to help him manage some of his web site and see if i could set up some sort of Translation program for him so that he could expand his area of influence.
     It may have been just curiosity that brought me out to Poway to meet Steve because i was pretty sure i had very little to bring to the table when we were to meet in only two days, at his place.   After hanging up the phone i got thinking to myself that if i did not get something going with my own site, i was going to be really unequipped to do anything for Mr. Rother.   I decided to try a little of the new talents that were developing and i got in touch with my guides and told them that this was important and i needed to learn to work with HTML in only two days and be able to offer this man something when i went to see him on Sunday afternoon.   I sat down once more, as i had many times in the past to work on my site only this time i did not do it like before.  I didn't even bother with my website i had been trying to work on for two years and started from scratch with a 5 meg free space my provider had to offer me.  By the time i met with Steve Rother that Sunday after noon i not only had my site up and running but i had the first page in five languages.  English, German, French, Spanish, and Portuguese.   My guides came through for me and led me through the whole process.  When i was finished, i still did not know what i had done, but i had done it and i knew from then on that my angels would be backing me what ever i tried, regardless of whether or not i knew squat about the task.

     I made it to the meeting and the rest is history.   I got the Translation teams organized and started publishing the Beacons of light in a half a dozen languages.   I was delighted, i had accomplished, what for me was an impossible task, I had gotten the Translation program off the ground and running.   In the beginning it was 16 and 20 hour days getting everything built and set up.  Because we had no publishers, i had to do all of the HTML work that the teams sent me to publish.   Paragraph by paragraph i had to copy and paste all of the new translated texts into the old english formats and over write the English with the new language.   Today (7-27-04) we have over 70 translators and publish in 19 languages, including Chinese, Hebrew and soon to be, Arabic.   I have found my passion in this work and more than that i have found so many wonderful friends along the way.   I have people writing to me daily from all over the world with personal messages as well as sending me their translations.   We have succeeded in empowering most of the teams to do their own publishing and i only have to still do the HTML work for a hand full of the languages.   But my greatest joy comes from the personal contact and the love that all of these wonderful souls send to me through their letters.   In the beginning i was doubtful, and did not want to get into something that would take up too much of my time, so i advanced with caution, however when i got into the work, i discovered my passion and my intent was made real as i watched the translation project grow and my happiness multiplied with each day that i worked on the material. 

Today, i am discovering new talents with each passing week and i have had a lot of success with self healing, fixing my "bad back", that had plagued me all of my live and used to lay me up for almost a month at a time every year.  I brought my blood pressure down to a comfortable 117 over 70, i even carried out an experiment in changing the color of my hair and succeeded in darkening it from almost white to a nice salt and pepper gray, entirely by will alone.  That experiment took almost two years to bring about but i have photos of before and after to show how well it worked.  That was a while ago and i since have let that one slide and let nature take it's course with out interference from me.   I have had such phenomenal success with co-creation that i never even have to given intent any more for the changes i want, i just have to want or need them to occur, and they do with increasing frequency.  I have learned to make reality shifts and time skipping techniques to farther enhance both the co-creations and the ease with which i can perform them.  I find that when my international friends seek me out for answers to their own life's problems the answers i give astound me at times as i listen to my computer read back my responses to them, before sending the letters off.   It appears as though i am listening to somebody else and not myself.   I give advice that i never ever thought of before, it just flows as i concentrate on the problems with which my friends present me and some of the stuff i write is a revelation to me as well as the recipient of the email.   One of them even asked me if it was ok to publish my letters, and put them on her web site for everybody to read.  I am channeling a big part of my letters rather than writing from experience alone.  Every week that passes i discover more and more new talents that i can use to make my life and the lives of those around me happier, and more rewarding and today i am the absolutely happiest, most content, individual that i know.   I have never met anybody as absolutely delighted with their life as myself and as consistently and constantly happy.   I got my wish, to be put where i could do the most good for the most people and now i help touch hundreds of thousands of people all over the world, and a dozen of so in a more personal contact via emails assisting others in the ascension process.   I am deep in my passion and my life is an absolute dream come true.   If i had to pick anybody in the world that i would like to be, that choice would be a very easy one to make, i would pick myself, simple as that.  I live in a world now that is filled with magic and magical events and happenings.  I have become a magician myself and can use many of the new age tools with ease, wielding my own magic to help others as well as enhance my own life in the process.   Although my retirement is only a fraction of what i was making when i was employed, we have abundance and more money to spend than ever before when we made two times as much, which is appropriate because after the phantom death, and the re-scripting of my contract, i stopped worrying about money, and indeed all of the other fears i used to have, and just dove into my passion.   When one is in their passion, abundance always follows, regardless of how much money one has or does not have, their life is abundant when they are in their passion and joy.   It is like being a magnet for good things to happen around me, and to me.   A couple of years ago i set my feet on the path of the human angel, and ever since that time it seems that i attract people with problems and am able to actually help them through the confusion of their own ascension.  Each day is a new adventure, filled with loving souls and opportunities to help people in one way or another.   

 Thank you Lee Carroll for saving my life. Thank you Sandie Sedgbeer for, "ratting me out", to Steve Rother.  And  thank you Steve Rother for giving me the opportunity and assistance to find and live in my passion,  i am forever in your debt, and i will pay you all back by spreading this happiness to everybody i can touch.  

Espavo, JP.

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